Tale of Two Women

After Vietnam fell in 1975 to the Communists, Vietnamese from the South fled into the South China Sea. They were called Boat People and they risked life and limb to escape from the Communists. Anyone who had worked with the US were rounded up and put into “re-education camps”. They were attacked by pirates, raped, robbed, and left adrift at sea in overcrowded leaking craft. Thousands found themselves in the Vietnamese Refugee camps in the Philippines, Thailand, even Hong Kong. They were hired as extras on “Apocalypse Now”, earning $25 for children under 12 and $50 for above per day. They were protraying usually the victorious communists. It would be like people from the defeated South, acting like the Union soldiers in a documentary on the Civil War.

I worked on the Local Casting under Ken Metcalfe, at that time I was in charge of all the many Foreigners who were from all over the world. I had to get them up in the morning, get them to the set, into uniforms, issued gear, props, weapons, even watch over them during the night. I worked under 2nd Assistant Director Larry Franco to set up all extras for the various shots, giving each person guidelines for 'crisscrossing the background' or activities to do during each "Shot". A Vietnamese leader, a full Colonel in the Vietnamese Air Force, was my main translator for the Vietnamese extras. The Colonel related to me over some drinks how incredible it was to him, how life was treating him. I agreed and told him how much I regretted how our government had shamefully left the Vietnamese people cut off from support.

Then I reminded him that each day, seven days a week, each of his twenty-odd family members earned cold hard cash, in dollars. I told him that America would be difficult but they would have a chance there. I suggested that his wife start a noodle shop since she was such as good cook. He did, called it Pho Hoa, which actually started in a Food Court near the Intercontinental Hotel, Makati, Metro Manila back in 1977. They made it in the land of opportunity. We even have many Pho Hoa's now in Korea.

One of those beautiful Vietnamese women, Quan, lived with me for three months and I planned to marry her. While I was ‘on location’, on a new film, “Boys of Company C”, she finally got through by phone to tell me that she had suddenly received her visa to Paris, France. She was told that she must leave right away. I rushed back to Manila but too late, she had left the day before. I found her letter promising to write from France. Quan’s first letter gave me a shock, she was pregnant with my child. I had to decide if I would ‘do the right thing and go to France’.

I wrote her that I would be willing to do that, then her next letter arrived the day after I put mine in the mailbox. Quan had found a job with the French government helping other Vietnamese. Oh, and by the way, she had met a rich French businessman who spoke perfect Vietnamese…Yes, they married and the last letter I received contained a photo, asking my written permission for monsieur to adopt my son! I wrote back back, “Oui, oui, but of course”, with mixed feelings of relief and guilt. I have unfortunately lost contact with my Vietnamese son over the years but Quan promised that he would grow up knowing my name. My hope is that one day he will search for me on the internet and make contact.

This was not the first ‘mistake of my life’ you see. Indeed, almost a year before Quan, I had met a struggling beautiful Filipina actress. I played her boyfriend in a movie and enjoyed a fun filled Christmas holiday in her hotel room. Foolishly I ran out of ‘protection’ and did not resupply. Later, she realized she was ‘late’ and knew that I was the culprit. Then a former American who had met her before came back to Manila. He proposed to marry her, even after hearing that she had just learned that she was pregnant. I saw her at three months as she was preparing a fiancée visa for America. Obviously with child, I immediately asked her “Uh, is it mine”. "No, uh, NO", she said, trying to think. She convinced me that her boyfriend, had come back after her menstruation, so I wasn’t possibly the father. I breathed a sign of relief because I had not know my own biological father, I did not want the same thing happening to "my child".

Six months later, I was ‘shocked, yes shocked’, when I received a letter with a picture of ‘my daughter’ and a feeble explanation. The mother of our child had lied to me because she had a better deal with him, a sure thing rather than with me, a younger struggling artist and ‘we were just casual lovers, right?’ Don’t worry your daughter will know your name she promised. I had committed the very offense my ‘birth father’ had done; regardless of my attempts to ‘be careful’, I had ‘sired’ first a daughter, then a son.

Punishment to fit the Crime
Three years later I ‘punished’ myself by having a vasectomy at the age of 28 in order to prevent another bastard child by my acts of self-indulgence. Now I wouldn’t worry when a woman told me that she was pregnant, I would tell her “Not by me, I shoot blanks”. Oh, the follies of my youth! Many times I woke up after drinking all night, looked at a cute woman curled up in my bed, “Hello, uh…what’s your name? Oh Teressa! Of course, I remember”.

I actually felt a certain pride that I contracted STDs so many times the Filipino doctor warned me I would require stronger drugs. I was one of his best customers, once bringing in ‘three casual weekend lovers’ for testing, separately, throughout the day. You see three nights, three different ‘lovers’, then like a thunder clap, the symptoms hit me on the 5th day. I did not know which one had given it to me, number 1, 2, or 3. It could be anyone of them, but the others might also be infected. Now, some guys would not even tell them but I had at least some scruples. It turned out that the first two were clean but they were now all mad at me. I tell this not to boast.

As a character actor I was somewhat recognized in the Philippines, I even paid journalists monthly stipends to keep my name in the tabloids. I had a great come-on line and took advantage of that shamelessly. I confess now in order to expose my total lack of conscience back then. I was also utterly stupid, for even when early reports in the 1980’s came out on HIV/AIDS I did not take notice. Not until my surrender to God could I see how wrong I had been all my life. For years I tested my blood fearing that God was going to punish me with AIDS. Thankfully my Heavenly Father forgives sin but I know not to tempt him again! I learned that my way of seeking love was in desperation, and left behind a bitter trail of unrequited love and empty promises. I was a Jerk, big time. Women’s Lib would make me the poster boy of Jerks. I began to see women as real people, not ‘body parts’, which was Really a challenge. Still working on understanding them, though…


“You must be my Bio-Dad”
‘Life is stranger than fiction’ they say. Seven years later in 1985, as I sat in the coffee shop of Peninsula Hotel, Manila, I heard someone call my name. I was well known by then but as Don Gordon Bell when I heard “Don Bell! Is that you?” I knew that voice! Turned around and there was the Filipina mother of my 'daughter', who I recognized immediately, and beside her a seven year old girl. OUR daughter looked curiously at me and back at her mother...then smiled, “You must be my Bio-Dad” which is funny, strange but true. As you can imagine I stood there speechless and then met her adoptive father and her younger brother as they entered. Their ‘composite’ family was visiting the Philippines and staying in the hotel. OMG! I spent several days with them, making excuses and trying to explain why I had ‘not been there for her’. I explained about myself being adopted and see seemed to understand. We all agreed perhaps we could stay in touch through letters, which we have done. My daughter was mature for her 7 years, knew all about her mother and I, and she looked just like her mother, thank God. I have been fortunate in maintaining contact with my daughter. We kept in touch, at first through letters (written by hand!), now by internet. My daughter, who wants to remain anonymous until later, is now married and I am now a ‘biological granddad’ of two lovely children. Some day I hope to meet them but for now I know they are doing well.

I have made attempts through Vietnamese adoption groups to post my story on their websites and forums in the hope that my half-Vietnamese son might someday find me. That would be wonderful for me, though I think about him frequently I have to hope that HE is not angry at me. Life is full of difficulties and challenges, the mistakes we make continue to have consequences for other. Hopefully, we can learn or show others Not to make our mistakes as well. The last chapters have not yet been written...