"This Thing of Ours-Adoption"
"The Sopranos"
La Cosa Nostra is the foremost organized criminal threat to American society. Literally translated into English it means “this thing of ours.”
Why does the Korean War Baby use this term “This Thing of Ours-Adoption”? It is because all the members of the Adoption Triad (Adoptee-Adoptive Family-Birth Family) PLUS extended groups that are involved directly in the process, ALL are part of the whole. Even spouses married to KAD's, well their children are Connected to this "WE" and the Korean/Asian sense of GROUP, has the direct translation of meaning "OUR THING". Thus I join the Mafia and Korean concepts together for "This Thing of Ours-Adoption".
Now some have claimed that ALL adoption is bad, that it separates children from their mothers. In some cases indeed mother's gave up their child due to pressure from their own Family, some religious groups because of being Unwed Mothers; majority of society still considers an Orphan OR Adoptee as having been flawed therefore rejected by their parents; there is certainly a lack of government support. Could this be because Korean Society just doesn't WANT fatherless children and orphans running around?
A young woman who is not married but finds herself in an Unwanted Pregnancy would find it difficult to say the least, to raise her child on her own. Until five years ago the percentage of Unwed Mothers KEEPING THEIR CHILD was about 22 % but has risen in 2009 to 37 % who WANT to keep their babies. Government and NGO Korean Women's Development Institute figures show that about 33% of Unwed Mothers DID in fact keep their babies.
In the Mafia to say "this is a Friend of MINE" simply meant he was someone who did business with the Family of the "Made Man". A Made Man was a member of the local Family, not just a friend of mine. For another Made Man to be introduced it was said "This is a Friend of OURS" showing he was accepted and sworn to allegiance to "This Thing of OURS" and was treated as a Family Member.
"This Thing of Ours-Adoption" had great implications to me, because of its meaning represents the Bonds and Close ties that link together all those involved. This Thing of Ours-Adoption also goes beyond just blood-ties, it is transcended by love for those who are not related by blood but by adoption, the Adoptive Parents and Family. I see the legal bonds of Adoption recognized by most States, and the bond of Love involved to be equal to Blood relationships. I can no more separate my feeling for my Adoptive Mother and Father than if I had been raised in Korea by my Korean mother. (Birth father is American).
This Thing of Ours-Adoption, includes more than the typical Adoption Triad-Adoptee, Birth Mother/Family, Adoptive Parents/Family. For it includes the governments of Sending and Receiving countries, social welfare ministries/workers, Adoption Agencies, NGO's and Private Aid Agencies, United Nations groups, Law Enforcement, Judicial systems, etc. OUR THING is huge, when you look at extended family members even. The KWB feels related to all his numerous "brothers/sisters by-adoption".
Like “La Cosa Nostra”, This Thing of Ours-Adoption is very complex, undergoing changes over the years, hopefully to eliminate the wrongs done by some who would profit from child-laundering, kidnapping, etc. But these are NOT all the cases, in fact there is NO ALL at all.
Spectrum of difference within
There is a spectrum of colors that represent so many aspects and different cases of real people, US. White Light is full of all the colors and it only takes a Prism to bend or refract the white light into its various rainbow of colors. In Adoption there are also many different experiences, from the great to horrible, the good, the bad, ugly, and beautiful. Domestic and Inter-Country adoptions, secret, open, closed, within families only, trans-racial, the list of variations are enormous and well, different yet similar. Commonality overlaps in many cases. The tragedies of life affect even "normal" families with divorce, death, illnesses, attachment disorders, incest, etc.
The KWB sees though, in the majority of cases Adoption is an answer, not the best but the next best for a child who is, for one reason or another given up, abandoned, thrown away, without relatives who WANT it, and simply needs a loving home. It is not easy for the child nor for the Adopting family, and we can do it better, with more Adoptive Families sharing their own stories on the internet. This is providing adoption professionals/prospective adoptees/adoptees/ etc. more information than in years past. Adherring to the Hague Conventions to prevent abuses is also extremely important. We push the Korean government to sign the Hague Convention into law on adoption/social welfare.
Adoption faces issues that Psychologists, Behavior Analysts, Psychiatrists, Social Workers, Adoption Specialists have learned from many years of study and changing social environment, "Change you can believe in". PAP (Prospective Adoptive Parents) are given much more information on helping their adoptive child to adapt. They understand and discuss the effects of adoption and how to deal with it...PAP blogs and networks encourage better ways to support their 'blended' families. The internet is full of resources-blogs, websites, book lists, whatever is needed can be found.
In some 10% of adoption cases in the U.K. result in "failed adoptions" and there are other examples of abuses in certain countries. What else is new? There are those who profit but not all are motivated by these extremists. But what of the other 90%? Are they perfect, of course not. Life is not perfect nor are parents. A good friend of the KWB once remarked that his newborn child did not come with a "manual".
Abandonment Issues
Each child does suffer within from the abandonment and separation from its natural birth mother. But to blame adoption for all problems in life seems to be too much, yet there are some who do so. This does not consider the complexity of the issues.
Abortion, institutional life, foster home, slavery conditions in their home country…what adoption DOES do it give a chance for a home. Whether it is done in secret or closed conditions (as in Korea) or with ethnically related parents, the fact is that thousands of trans-racial adoptions have been “Successful”.
Surveys only touch on a tiny section, even the Evan Donaldson Adoption Institute (AdoptionInstitute) has surveys of less than 200 Korean adoptees. There are some recent finding by them that give recommendations to improve on the process. But some surveys have taken only 11 USA adoptees and extrapolated results to apply to the many thousands of KADs! What is that? How can 11 represent so many, impossible even for the KWB’s low math skills to comprehend.
The reasons for “giving up for adoption” are numerous, circumstances and pressures come into play. Any one reason cannot apply to the “ALL”, each part of the Spectrum has different facts, stories, etc. that does NOT apply to others in “This Thing of Ours-Adoption”. In seeking Balance though ALL stories must be examined and weighed, in context with the Whole, the White Light of "This Thing of Ours-Adoption".
It is written in the Bible, Koran, Hebrew scriptures, and other holy books of major religions, "Seek and you will Find". We should/can/must seek the whole truth from all the "colors contained within". (Again, the KWB sure likes the Spell Check/Word suggestions/Dictionary/Google Search, etc Tools that help us all find Knowledge- and he would be helpless without them. He even has an online bible program to search for verses...)
The KWB does NOT know all the facts, please send him your information, links, opinions. A consensus can be found. Let us debate honorably in Adoption Discourse, and we just might make things better for the next generation of children in Korea.
Email me: koreanwarbaby@gmail.com
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