SHADES of GRAYS
White to Black in a way represent extreme ends, could be the radical sides of This Thing of Ours-Adoption. "Pro-Adoption extremist may extol and praise the "forever" family, "lucky, fortunate, blessed, to have a loving family 'taken by choice' (meaning of Adopt)- this is an EXTREME view of a few in this camp.
"Anti-Adoption Adoptee's Association” extremists defend the rights of the child and natural/birth mother/father to have Family Preservation. They lament losing their language, culture, social identity. Which one is White or Black? You might demand, BUT from each END-from each polarized side it is THE "OTHERS" THAT ARE BLACK!! WE are the Good, correct, righteous guys! It depends on which side you are in your perspective, then the "Others" are Extreme.
The two “camps” are labeled Pro-Adoption and Anti-Adoption by some. Many have in horror asked the Korean War Baby, “Why are you compromising on the issues, brother? Stand firm in your convictions, are you For us or Against US” This is a colorful but true concern from a dear friend. BUT the Korean War Baby IS somewhere in between, on case to case basis. IT IS NOT JUST US AND THEM...the vast majority are somewhere in the middle shades of GREY.
So the Korean War Baby will NOT put his label on either, as EACH SIDE has their OWN PERSPECTIVE. It is the SHADES of GRAY in between that represent SIMILAR YET SULTLE DIFFERENCES that concern us here. Let us think that this spectrum shows the Labels "Happy to have been Adopted" OR "Angry and Sad to have been Adopted". (These are extremes Points of View- BLACK and WHITE remember).
Perhaps the huge Majority are in the middle shades of Gray, yes, no? For certain
During our adolescent years many of us find that we ‘really are not white’ like our friends. During High School and especially during our College or University, work, or military service, our ethnic identity was challenged and questioned. Most of us did not become murderous like a few, nor did we end our lives tragically…some DID sadly and the rates of crime and suicide are almost the same as- adults who came from BROKEN homes from divorce, grew up with only mothers never knowing their fathers.
As I have said before, Adoption is NOT THE BEST SOLUTION but it is much better than others like Abortion, Institutional Care, even Foster Care.
The Evan B. Donaldson's Adoption Institute's "Beyond Culture Camp" Here report of Nov. 2009, suggested (remember less than 170 KADs took the survey) that as a child grows up their Adoption Identity shifts and changes. Most of us (again not all) were TransRacially adopted by Caucasian families, according to the myth "rich white folks". I have found this NOT to be true, and challenge this myth. Hell, my white adoptive parents were NOT RICH.
BUT many of us did grow up in families that were mixed, a U.N. fusion style that “some surveys” show that Multi-Cultural communities HELP adoptees of “Color” to adapt to their ever developing multi-cultural societies that still have some prejudices, Oh My! It does SEEM that our European KAD’s may have suffered more than USA, then there are many examples of US KAD’s saying “I was the only non-caucasian in the small town I grew up in. I was the ‘United Nations’ to them.”
Somehow despite all these “enormous pressures” MOST of the KADs have survived! Though some have returned to visit Korea, (figures ‘counting’ the number of Kads coming would have counted ME, uh each time I came back from vacation, ten times.) and see the roots of their beginnings. Some continue and search for their birth families, but Some are NOT in that place.
Each must do what they want to do, even brother and sister may have different places. It is an Individual's choice "to search or NOT" and only less than 2,500 HAVE found and reunited with natural/birth families. Again with varying degrees and reactions from one extreme to another.
This Spectrum could also be likened to a PRISM that splits the white light into the rainbow of visual light. So too is the Plethora of stories.
The facts are that FEW facts have been gathered by Adoption professionals only surveys with limited numbers of participants. The figures for International adoption vary in tens of thousands.
One thing CAN BE SAID, "There is no ALL" but groups and subgroups that sometimes have similarities and unique differences.
For example, Koreans BORN IN THE USA, may have two Korean parents but their level of language skill, understanding of Korean daily life, detailed knowledge of Cultural and historical events are similar to a KAD from Mich. or Minn. who has "Gone beyond just Culture Camp" and done intensive study about their motherland.
Those teachers of Color and like the KWB, mixed-blood are on the 2nd tier. Full blooded Koreans, though Native Speakers are on the next 3rd tier. An inconvenient and frustrating fact. TIK-This IS Korea. SIGH :(
Andy Warhol once famously said that, "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." With those words, he was not only coining a phrase but making a statement that exemplified his view of art and the world. His transformational style of creating art of the everyday, in many ways, made him the face of the Pop art movement and led to the creation of some of the most iconic images in modern American art. With YouTube some are getting their 15 minutes.
In his own “15 minutes of Fame” moment, the Korean War Baby will attempt to explain in the next few days HIS GRAND SCHEME and (hint) the PERFECT SOLUTION to all that is held dear and holy, fair and benevolent to Almost Everyone in This Thing of Ours-Adoption!!! (if the Lord permits me…and my foolish passion does not overtake sound advice from my doctor to eat, sleep, take my diabetes meds or DIE.
“Too late, too late have I loved THEE...” lamented St. Augustine, in his work “Confessions”. Yes, too late for me to get a degree, too late to be a father, too late to do so much. Failure upon failure. Oh, that my miserable life could help just a few of my Dong Saengs, my fellow Korean Adoptees and the Secretly adopted Dong Saengs in Korea.
This is my only hope, this is what I WILL DO until my time on earth here is finished. Everyday belongs to my Maker, the Giver of Life. I must make my witness not for personal reasons but for those EACH YEAR that get a family, MOST done in unfortunate SECRECY, others sent abroad. Also, I hear in my mind and in nightmares, the cries of the "unexpected" Unwanted Pregnancies, terminated because of inconvenience, and those deemed ‘‘Undesirable or damaged” children who are less than perfect. The more one knows the heavier becomes the burden. I am consumed by incredible HORROR of the facts, I cannot hold it in but must shout from the "rooftop" of cyberspace. This is why I am "passionate".