Few years ago I met a Korean women who had suffered being adopted SECRETLY adopted. For those who have been adopted overseas a great majority of us were Trans-Racially and/or Cross-Culturally adopted by families that were NOT just “rich white folks”. Those adopted in Korea are subject to the prejudices of Society in general about adoption.
This young woman describe to me how she discovered that she was “ip Yang in” (adopted person) when her ‘father’ had to have surgery and they asked if she could donate blood. A nurse came up to her with a curious look and asked, “Do you know that your blood type doesn’t match with your parents? YOU must be adopted, right? We cannot use your blood…”
When this young woman, I called her Lucky, asked her ‘mother’ if this was true, then she learned the truth finally. They had not told any of the other children of her “Adoptive father”. Until this day it must remain secret. Her story can be read Abandoned Princess-Part 1-3.
Lucky was the same age as my bio-daughter, who though we have contact also wishes to not tell her children yet about 'your other grandfather'. I tried to explain how in my own life bitterness and anger were really coming from the Roots of Rejection, Abandonment, Loss, that our inner child even as a newborn felt as we were separated from our mothers. It does not matter the reasons, the loss is felt in differing levels. When my Adoptive parents took care of babies in a Foster Care program the 2-3 day old infants would cry constantly, until they bonded with us, then what happened? They went to another "family" and hopefully readjusted to "Another family". Depending on the strength of that family to love and nurture, the child grew up and learned to accept it's fate in life. But the Darkness may still remain...and needs to be brought into the light of day.
“Light versus Darkness”
Light, sweet Light, once bright and clear,
Long ago, almost forgotten.
Brief, sweet moments, blazed up again,
Once more, blessed my heart,
Short, fleeting, like morning dew,
Wet, nourished, my poor dry spirit.
I am thrown-away, again; scorched by sun,
Burned and blown, by the wind!
Fading Light, sweet light within,
Dimming, fading, don’t leave me alone!
Demon hordes, beats upon barred door,
“Release us, let us loose inside you.”
Satan, beckons to my soul,
Seeking once again, for total control,
Darkness, my Old Friend, calls out,
“Let me rule you, again.”
Wounded soul, cries out in pain,
“Olma, Olma! Where are you?”
Evil cloud comes, to cover me,
With fear, revenge, and hatred.
“Light of God, where is Thy power?
Come, renew my waning light..
My crushing pain, cannot bear alone,
Hell’s shadow, chills me to the bone.
Light and Darkness, clash within,
Mighty struggle, for my heart and mind.
Torn by tug of war, challenge for my life,
Fighting furiously within, such fearful strife.
Satan once ravaged my troubled soul,
Darkness directed my vile paths.
The Devil seeks to claim me once more,
“I am your father, unlock the door!”
“No,” weakly I reply, “I’m beaten down,
But that ain’t so! Once darkness you ruled me,
Now no more! I’ve had enough of my hate.
Father of Lies, you cannot debate.
I surrender, in my hurt and pain,
Heavenly Father, I cry out to You.
“Appa, Father, help your hopeless son,
Save me from my own Sin and Darkness!”
“Light of God, my brother Jesus,
Shine on me, make Darkness flee!
Your Light shatters the Cloud of Darkness,
Pierce, scatter, Shine Brightly on me!”
“Darkness, you have no more hold,
For Now I know! I am a child of God.
Co-heir to Christ Jesus, my big brother,
I walk in His Light, such Eternal bliss.”
Dear sister, Lucky, as you read this,
I plead and ask you to behold,
My Father and Brother, offer you,
The Spirit of Adoption, too.
Let me guide you to His Light,
Our weaknesses are too great.
Your pain has spoiled your heart,
The Heavenly Father reaches out with open arms.
“Come, My Daughter, just take my Hand,
Rest in My loving arms,
No more a ‘devil’ you will be,
For I, your Father have Called you, My Child”
“When you were born, you were despised,
Unwashed, forlorn, and thrown-away.
I saw you laying in your blood and filth,
I spoke over you, “Live! Live, For you are Mine.”
“I AM THE LORD, Your life is in My Hands,
I Chose you when you grew inside your mother,
Though she rejected you, I WILL Take you up!
I AM your Heavenly Father, I claim you for My own.”
“Learn of Me, Seek me and you will find Me.
I give you My Solemn Oath, to Love you.
Believe in My Son, instantly you will be,
My Daughter, My Child. Come to Me!”
(To my adoptive sister, Lucky)
Without understanding the situations of our Mothers and fathers, we cannot find total freedom from the hurt and pain within our wounded spirit. Counselors and Psychoanalysis can only identify the problems, it is the ability to Forgive that is important.
Last year, when I began the program on TvN, Korean cable channel, I was faced with the thoughts of hope and also of doubt. “What if SHE does watch this? What will she DO?”
My reaction, based on living here 15 years, and becoming bitter over NOT finding my mother, was to think, “I bet she won’t even try to make contact…NO, she can’t tell that fucking secret to her family! I am wasting my God damn time. I’ll just look like FOOL on tv!”
Whoa! Where is that coming from? I did not think I had “issues” of anger towards her, why I had said to many people that I forgive her. But was it real? Was it just ‘the right thing to do?’ I realized that I still had bitterness towards her.
When I would see Korean mothers with screaming spoiled BRATS, giving in to their every whim…I would have thoughts of anger towards the mother! Thoughts like “Just slap him in the face! Why do you treat him like a WonJa (Prince).” Now I never said that outloud, but it played out in my mind. God was showing me then that I had not truly been able to FORGIVE my mother.
When I see the Unwed Mothers who have KEPT their babies. WELL, they are completely different to the image in my mind of “Perfect Mother, suffering for the sake of her child. etc.” See, I am putting them on a pedestal in my fantasy of comparison of “good” versus “Bad” mothers. That ought not to be. I began to see this only last year that I must understand BOTH, mothers who relinquished and those who kept.
This is the Darkness of my heart and soul, that shows me how much I still hurt inside. This is what motivates me to want to bring others to try to understand ALL mothers, yes, even those who have had abortions, tried In Vitro Fertilization and failed, abandoned, or abused, both physically, sexually, and mentally.
Most recent “horrible mother” to be reported is a woman who sent back to Russia a child she could not ‘deal’ with and she no longer wanted to parent. She is being “demonized” by the media, yet few articles mention that she is a SINGLE Mom with a biological son. Where is the “Adoptive Father” well there is none because in the rush to be “Liberated” we have allowed Single people to adopt. We are all influenced by the one-sided media reports that fail to give all the details. When you get the full picture and hear all sides, we may come to a better understanding. SOME use her story to question Adoption, gleefully shouting, “You SEE! Another case of Horrible Adoption Industry practices!!”
The Korean War Baby still has the Post-Search Blues. Wondering if SHE saw but could not bring herself to telling the SECRET to her family. In my heart I want to forgive her, and I read of others who have reunited. Some with good results, some with bitterness and more rejection. That is why I read every story, to prepare myself, just in case…
Mat 18:21 Then Peter came to Him and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Until seven times?
Mat 18:22 Jesus said to him, I do not say to you, Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven.
Forgiveness does not happen by just saying it once…