THIS THING OF OURS-ADOPTION

THE KOREAN WAR BABY

My name is Don Gordon BELL and I am one of the earliest of the first generation of KAD's (Korean ADoptees). The Korean War had been settled by Armistice three years before I left war-torn Seoul, Korea, on May 21, 1956. It was the first plane of twelve 'war babies' processed thru the Harry Holt Adoption Program. Read more of MY STORY on My Pages.
I grew up in a typical middle-class family of English-Scottish roots in greater Los Angeles, Ca, USA. Memories faded, Korean language was 'lost' and I did not know anything about the country of my birth until I met Korean Marines in Vietnam while serving with the US Marines. It was my first exposure to real Korean people. I was not completely aware of how prejudiced most Koreans thought towards a Half-Breed like me. I learned what "Tuigi" meant, a Korean word for a "Child of a Foreign devil". Oh, wonderful.

All my life I always had to answer the question: "What ARE you?" and I simply would tell 'my story'. It was not a big deal for me, for my Adoptive Parents had taught me that being an American meant that WE were from many countries. I never 'wished to be White' and just learned to stand up for my own identity. MY Identity was as an American, with mixed heritage. I did not know what being "Korean" meant but often wondered about my roots, and what my birth father's ethnicity. Mexican, Native Americans, and Spanish people would tell me that I had their 'genes' for sure. Little did I know they were right!

After college, I traveled to Manila and for ten years I lived in the Philippines. I was excepted as a 'mestizo' and fit into the former Spanish colony. I was a B-movie Character Actor, working on international and local films, enjoying a 'crazy and wild' abandonment. Then a life changing experience gave me faith in a personal Higher Being. After walking away from the film business, I lived back in the USA, not sure of my direction in life finding work in construction, finish carpentry, door hanging, and many other jobs I'd like to forget.

In 1991, at 38, I attended a Holt Heritage Camp that was a great experience and really began my own journey of Adoption Identity search. I had never thought much of my Korean culture, though I always felt proud of being "HALF-Korean" and "half-Something".

In 1994 I came back to Seoul, Korea, with my church Vineyard Christian Fellowship, and was invited to stay with a church in East Seoul, for one year. I have lived here since late 1995- re-discovering my "Korean-ness", teaching English and telling my Adoption Story to thousands of Korean students of all ages, helping their understanding of Korean Adoptees. It is one of the issues that Korea is now facing, even for its own secretly adopted children, those who were adopted IN-Country by Koreans who desired a family but due to problems with Infertility secretly adopt.

I was a charter member in 1997 (first dozen members) of GOA'L (Global Overseas Adoptees' Link, founded by Ami Nafzger) and continue to be involved with the complex issues of This Thing of Ours-Adoption. Thousands of KADs have visited Korea over the years, searching for their culture and Some search for birth family. Seventy-five thousand have come, yet only 2,400 plus have found Reunion with Birth family, often with varying results. There are many complexities, many don't want to search concerned about offending their Adoptive Families. Each KAD must decide what they want to do, when to do it, etc.

At 67, I am still 'working thru' my Adoption Identity. Each of YOU need to 'work through' your own understanding and hopefully find forgiveness and healing. Read many different accounts and compare before coming to conclusions. I hope that you will learn what IS happening NOW, in the land of your birth, the Rep. of Korea (South Korea). (See Report Links).

Times are changing, the reasons for 'relinquishment/given up for adoption' have shifted, but there continues to be a need for a multi-tiered approach and understanding of Adoption issues. Slowly, attitudes of Korean society ARE changing for the better. But, the majority continue to feel embarrassment and shame. Thus, Adoption is still shrouded in secrecy even for those who are adopted In-country . There ARE positive signs and movements of NGO's and KAD groups are advocating for the Unwed Mothers. However, two-thirds of pregnant women each year, continue to give up their babies for adoption. One out of four are sent overseas, YET three are secretly adopted in-country. The Myth that "Koreans don't adopt" is false, but they need to open up and hopefully change their shame to pride.

This blog is for EVERYONE, whether you are an Adoptee, Adoptive Family, Birth Family or involved in Adoption in ANY way as a professional, social worker, official, etc, from Korea or the world. We examine the complex issues and personal journeys that we, domestic and overseas adoptees, have to face and sort out in This Thing of Ours-Adoption. (Use the Search function to check for Posts on various topics, TransRacial, Tran-Cultural, Multi-Cultural families, Domestic, Civil Code Law Adoptions, InterCountry Adoption, etc.)

I personally have come to a compromised, nuanced position on this thing of ours-adoption. I advocate a Multi-tiered Plan that tries to be balanced, realistic, fair to all.

UPDATE: Living in the Philippines since 2010, at first teaching students from several countries as an Online Tutor, based in Makati, Metro Manila. I was working on a Digital Library for Online Tutoring or ELearning; developing an agritourism farm; and Overseas Retirement Care for foreigners needing 24/7 health care.

Then some 18 months ago, in July of 2012 I met with Andrew Leavold, a crazy film obsessed Aussie who helped "pull me back into film making".

WHEW! Lot on my plate. I have also been learning much about the Filipino society's very different viewpoints on unwed motherhood and adoption.

As of Sept. 2012, I worked on an Indie Film, "Baybayin, the Palawan Script", directed by Auraeus Solito, and international award winning Filipino director. I had a role in the film and explored my hobby as a STILLS Photographer. Currently I have quit all teaching, co-writing on an international film that will be done in 3D and CGI effects. I am back in the film-making business and I love it. I have continued to act in Independent and international films and in many projects worked as Stills/Bts Photographer. I cover film festivals, events, and continue to try to improve my Game. Semi-retired but love to keep active, now exploring mirrorless 4K cameras but still a Canon Guy.

Adoption Discourse needs to hear YOUR VOICES. Every opinion, even opposing viewpoints will be posted and interaction invited by email and Comments have been activated again with spam filters!). Welcome, come learn, and share your thoughts. Join social media sites and you will help yourself and others as you share your life.

#20 Holt Adoptee/First Dozen on Flight departing Seoul on 21 May, 1956 to USA.

July 17, 2009

Don Gordon Bell_Character Actor

Don Gordon Bell
BAMBOO GODS AND BIONIC BOYS Don Gordon Bell

"The REAL "DON GORDON"

Some have asked me "What is your real name?" This is because in the days of my youth I had the great opportunity to work in the film business while living in the Philippines. If you have seen my Facebook page under "Don Gordon Bell" or google my name you will see at the Internet Movie Database you will see some of my film history as an extra, bit player, character actor, Main supporting cast, and a few Lead Roles in Filipino and International films. I was disappointed that the TvN program did not mention my humble achievements in the world of B-movies.

From 1975 to 1985 I worked on 25 international films, both large budget and small. Most were action, drama, comedy, even a couple of rather 'seedy' films I hope never see the light of day (that ought to get some people wondering). They were the best and worse years of my life, as a struggling 'actor' and 'stuntman' who learned on the job to develop my skills. I was one of a number of foreigners who were able to make a living from the trade. I eagerly learned many other tasks that would never be possible in other countries. In the business it is common to take on a 'screen name' because of many reasons. Most of my life "Don Bell" was turned into a joke, you know, "Doorbell! Ha ha", "Dingdong Bell", or the worst "Dumb Bell!" So several folks suggested that I switch to "Don Gordon". I had used Don Bell for three years, then told everyone call me Don Gordon from now on. I was not aware however that there WAS a REAL Don Gordon...

Real DON GORDON

Google Don Gordon, he was born in 1926, has a long long film and TV credits. In 1980 or 81, I was working on "American Commandos" (released on DVD 1985) with Christopher Mitchum and John Philip Law. When I met John Philip and Christopher both of them were looking to meet "the real Don Gordon" of Papillion fame! John Philip said, "you ain't Don Gordon!" I replied, "Well, I am really Donald Gordon Bell, I used Don Gordon for a screen name the last five years." They then told me about the "REAL Don Gordon" and I was like "F*ck Me, now what do I do?" Christopher suggested that I use Don Gordon Bell, sort of like John Philip Law. We all thought that had a good ring to it. I announced to one and all that henceforth I was to be called Don Gordon Bell.

Then in sometime late 1981, the Real Don Gordon played the main assistant of the 'Anti-Christ' Damien Thorn in "Omen III: The Final Conflict". Hell, he had second above the Title Credits and all over Manila was BillBoards/flyers/advertising with Don Gordon. Writers that I actually paid monthly put out

Image via Wikipedia

that it was ME. I tried without success to deny and even had some articles written. But everyone said, "we saw you, with a beard, congradulations...When did you do the filming. I finally just agreed with folks, yeah, that was me. Hey did you notice several of my films were accredited to the REAL DON GORDON. Fair is fair I guess. I wish you could send his agent this story!

Soon after Sid Furie came back to film, "Purple Hearts" (Filming 1982) and Sid knew me in "Boys of Co. C" as DON BELL (1977 filming). So there was all sort of confusion on the Filipino staff, who knew me as Don Gordon, and Sid as Don Bell. I had to make an announcement to one and all AGAIN, that I was to be known as DON GORDON BELL.

July 13, 2009

Unlucky Female Babies

“The Abandoned Princess-7th Daughter”

Last year, in May of 2008, I met a Korean student who told me that she had been adopted domestically. Her name must remain secret because some of her relatives do not actually know that she was given up for adoption. I will call her 'Marie' because her story is very similar to a Korean Folk story called "Abandoned Princess" or " Ba Ri Gong Ju".

"In Korea, not having a son was especially bad luck, and based on the teachings of Confucius a woman who did not produce a son, broke one of the “Seven Virtues”. The husband could divorce her and marry another woman, because a son was necessary for continuing the blood lines.

‘The Seventh daughter’ were considered especially bad luck, because she was considered to be cursed with special psychic powers or fortunetelling abilities. She was also born in the year of the Horse, very inauspicious for daughters!

A famous legend is known, from the Shaman religion, of a “seventh daughter of a Neo-Chosen King who “Threw away his unlucky seventh daughter”. Her name was Princess Bari and her name literally means “Thrown away or Abandoned Princess”. The Mudang priestesses sing her sacred song, a Muga, to help the souls of the dead into the next cycle of life.

"Bari Gongju Muga” is the “Song of the Abandoned Princess” who did her filial duty and helped save her father and mother, even though they had thrown her away.

In the legend the Princess became a goddess and the Matriach of all the Shaman priesthood. Mudangs sing her song to ask Princess Bari to guide the spirit of the deceased into the next life cycle."

The reason that 'Marie' and her story surprised me was that I began to learn about Domestic Adoptees, In-Country adoptions that I would soon find out numbered in the ten's of thousands. I asked many fellow adoptees just how many Domestic Adoptees there were and no one seemed to know. Molly Holt then told me, "more than 80,000 plus 20,000 Private adoptions, like the Dutch diplomat and his wife, who gave up their Korean girl after bearing 'natural' sons."

In May of 2008, just one year ago, I had pretty much given up finding my birthmother but now "just when I thought I was out...they pulled me back in!" as Al Pacino would say. I became so caught up as I began to get up to speed on the Adoption situation in Korea. I had not even gone to GOA'L meeting since getting married, missing several yearly GOA'L conferences. I learned that more than 87,000 Domestic Adoptees, NOT counting perhaps 20,000 plus Private Adoptees undocumented by the government, are living in the country and 85% of them DON'T KNOW that they were adopted. Korean people still prefer to keep it a secret. I knew Korea had adoption within the family but had no idea there were so many. Molly Holt first told me of these domestic adoption numbers.

Then I read Tobias Hubinette's book, "Comforting an Orphaned Nation", and learned about the Korean's governments repeated attempt to get Korean people to adopt children that are not of their lineage. In 1973 after 'Dear Leader' Kim Il Sung accused the Southern government of 'selling children' the ROK (South) started a program that all government officials SHOULD adopt a child.

There have been many attempts to change the society's views on adopting a child that is not of their bloodline. Dr. David Hyungbok Kim in his book "Who Will Answer..." reports that in 1955 the Adoption Laws of the Republic of Korea stated that a child could be adopted only from a related family member. A Family Registry lists the family name and the region, such as "Kim Hae", means that only a child with the Surname of Kim from the Hae region could be adopted. If the child had the name Kim from another Kim line they would NOT be able to even adopt. Dr. David Kim was the man who told me about my sister and I. He lamented that the thousands of children separated from their parents from the war could not be LEGALLY adopted by Korean people.

To find out late in life that you were adopted is something I cannot imagine. I found websites on Late Discovery Adoptees Late Discovery - Home from America that told the stories of the 20% of adoptees in the USA that are NOT told that they were adopted. Some found out in their forties and fifties, after their parents had died, discovering adoption papers hidden in desks or file cabinettes. For the last year I have studied, joined one group after another, read from every part of the Triad-Adoptive Parents, Birth Family, and Adoptee. I have saved hundreds of documents from newspapers, book reviews, websites from all aspects of the controversy. I wanted to find out the truth, hear from every voice, even the 'angry, hurt, abused, unhappy adoptees'. I needed to hear the Good, Bad, Ugly, Sad, Happy, Successful, ALL of it before I could come to my own conclusions.

'Marie' found out when she tried to give blood for one of her parent's surgery, the nurse bluntly told her. "You Can't give blood...your blood type doesn't match either of your parents. Are you Adopted?" This was only a few years ago.

"Marie never expected to find out she had even one sister, but six? One day a surprise call came from one of them, the sixth sister, who had searched for her, the long lost sister who had been given away to be adopted.Marie had been the unlucky seventh daughter.

Marie was born the same year that my first child was born, my own daughter, born after a wild Christmas holiday with her Filipina mother. Have I shared that yet? For that story please go to Korean War Baby "Tale of Two Women".

The Korean War Baby has met several times with Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea (MPAK)Korean Adoption - Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea (MPAK) leader Steve Morrison. He introduced me to co-founder Mrs. Han Yeonhee and more than 50 families in the Ansan-Anyong-Suwan area who have adopted, many with Open Adoption with the Natural mothers. See the post or Documents available on sidebar on "Openness in Korean Adoptions" to download report by Prof. P. Haynes and Kim Kyungeun. This report tells about the attempts to try Open adoption and the difficulties that happen for all involved.

The Laws have been changing to increase and encourage Domestic Adoptions, raising the age limits to 60, single persons can even adopt, incentives are given, etc. (more to be posted on current Adoption Laws). But laws do not change HEARTS. Domestic adoption still barely exceeds 52% of available babies, who after surviving huge odds of 'elimination by abortion', are born alive and well.

Image via Wikipedia

July 10, 2009

BigFile.naver_ExorcistDGBell

Thanks to Hoya at GOA'L for saving my BUTT, by putting the file at "THIS original link" that expires after one week. Probably most of the curious will never visit again, my Facebook Friends have, I am certain, pressed the "Unfriend" button, the dreaded 'kill you' button that stops hearing from someone, without them knowing it. Kinda of like email "Block this person from spamming me with worthless jokes" button.

SO for you kind trusting souls who can FORGIVE an OLD FART please COPY AND PASTE this into your Browser Address Bar. TaDa:

http://bigfile.naver.com/bigfileupload/download?fid=3feG+zkRWXKjaxUwK6kRK3YwFxKZFCYZKAglKAbmaxu/Kqb9a3eSaxpCKAISFqKXKxgqpxvwFqt/K4pSFqU/K4JCMxbZM2==

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I have actually been so busy trying to learn how to upload BIG FILES, sending ugly email to three companies, (No I did not get too angry, well I did get a little. OKAY I cussed one guy out for getting smart ass with me. I simply said, "This damn thing doesn't work for 700 MB files" and 'anonymous guy' at THIS PLACE:

“Your File Link” replied "There's nothing wrong with the system. We just have a filter in place
to stop rude idiots from uploading their files."

WELL, I never!! I replied back:

"Well!! You are not a computer program!!

This rude idiot has learned that your system is full of holes. Your System is not working very well, HELLO!!! Anyone can access other files by changing the numbers! I know because I tried to find my file by going backwards on the numbers. By just changing the numbers I saw five other files. Maybe some changes would help YOU to get a little security in your system. Is it your policy to made it easy to look at any of your files uploaded to your faultless system? When a RUDE IDIOT like me who knows JackAll about all this Techie stuff can look at multiple files...I would say you have a Faulty system."

Example: http://www.yourfilelink.com/get.php?fid=501**7

http://www.yourfilelink.com/get.php?fid=501**1

http://www.yourfilelink.com/get.php?fid=501**2

http://www.yourfilelink.com/get.php?fid=501**1

http://www.yourfilelink.com/get.php?fid=500**9

"I have no idea what the files above are and I changed them for the security and privacy of the uploaders. As I informed your co-worker "Mark", small files that I uploaded (less than 1 MB) immediately had the "link code to download" and "delete code" Box thing-a-ma-jig. But four, may I say it, God blessed times I UPLOADED and got no "box with the codes". So what is up with that?

Hey, have a good day....I thought a robot program would be answering, not a sensitive soul. But really, there is always a better way to do something...I actually chuckled with the "we just have a filter in place to stop rude idiots from uploading their files".You ever heard this one? "The customer is always right."

I may be a slightly 'rude idiot' but you are not tough skinned enough for customer service, Grow a pair.

Your Rude Idiot customer,

Don Gordon Bell

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I know, I know...now I have to ask God to forgive me for more stuff but I have been too frustrated with all this and...it was too good to pass up. I don't feel bad about it now, so the Lord will have to wait for me to feel bad, contrite, sorry for my Old nature of getting angry. Won't do me any good asking for forgiveness until I FEEL bad. Maybe next week.

Reminds me of a memory I have of in the Reception Center after my Korean "Natural/Birth" mother (Must be Politically Correct) left my sister and I. I remembered little flashes of memory, playing with a Jack-in-the-Box, you know where you turn the crank on the side and the music box inside plays a song. "Pop goes the weasel" tune as I vividly recall. Over the past few months I have had dreams recycled with more and more details. I got angry that I could NOT get the box to open, doing what I have done all my life, I took the box and smashed it down. Well Jack came out alright, but an older girl stopped me from having my way with it and completely destroying poor 'Jack'. She had a beautiful smile (I have always loved women who have nice smiles...sigh).

Until this year I had no idea who That Girl was, but remembered her face clearly in a dream around February of this year. One week later, I 'chanced' upon an article about Roy Rogers and his wife Dale Evans. Some may know that I was on the first plane of Holt Adoption Program in May of 1956 with 11 other children. I linked to this after Madonna had her second so called "Celebrity adoption" of Mercy stopped by the Malawi Court (later over ruled and permitted). I began looking into other adoptions by famous folks and of course remembered that my parents had a news clipping of the famous Mr. and Mrs. Cowpersons (Mr. Cowboy and Ms. Cowgirl in those pre-PC days) adopting a young Korean orphan girl. The media were all over the story that they were adopting from war torn Korea from Harry Holt who they accredited with starting it all. (Those of you who oppose InterCountry Adoptions for ALL reasons please hold your tongue for just a few more moments).

So, I find this website on them, and low and behold there is THE GIRL.

Debbie LEE who sat with me on the plane to Tokyo, Japan. Spent from May 21 until June 11 in a hotel room with Dr. Bob Pierce and all of us orphans, just a couple of helpers. Debbie was the girl who stopped my distructive rage on Jack-in-the-DAMN box that would not work SO I WILL BREAK THIS F$&##% THING. Debbie showed me how to crank it around until the music finished. Out pops Jack. Oh, so simple. Tragically, three years later Debbie was killed in a church bus accident after visiting an Orphanage in Tijuana, Mexico, just south of San Diego, California. I remember my parents (A-parents hereafter called simply parents) talking about her. But to see her photo after dreaming about her and 'seeing' her filled me with all kinds of emotions. You see only in the last six months have a lot of these memories come up in better details.

Do some of you do what I have done, most of my life when something doesn't work, Break it? Is it just me? According to Joe Soll, an adoptee himself and author, lecturer, who can be found at this:

"http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org/AdoptionHealing.htm"

...we adoptees may be prone to such behavior. Some of us, not all. We should try to use Qualifiers almost all of the time, rather than use general statements as a few do on occasions. I will look further into Joe Soll's excellent material (with his permission). I studied many concepts of psychology and counselling but Joe Soll tells it best because he IS AN Adoptee himself. Hey, better sign off for now.

July 9, 2009

"Openness in Korean Adoption: From Family Line to Family Life"

The Korean War Baby has finally figured out how to put a Word Doc on a File Hosting site. Small beginnings so here is a test, Go to this link to download the file.

“Openness in Korean Adoptions” Prof. Kim Hyangeun

http://www.yourfilelink.com/get.php?fid=501009

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"Openness in Korean adoptions: From Family Line to Family Life"

P. Hayes and H.E. Kim

Abstract

Since about 2000, a limited number of adoption organisations and parent groups in the Republic of Korea have been exploring how to increase communicative openness between adoptive parents and their children and between adoptive families and their neighbours. At least one agency has also developed structures to facilitate contact between the adoptive family and birth mother. The effort to increase openness is tied to a philosophy that challenges widespread assumptions in Korean society by centering its aims on family life rather than the continuity of the family line. The growth of openness has not been accompanied by a rise in domestic adoption numbers, but has contributed to broader efforts to liberalize family relationships in Korea.

Introductory Note

Peter Hayes is a Senior Lecturer in Politics at the University of Sunderland, ADMC, Priestman Bld., Sunderland SR1 3PZ, UK (E-mail: peter.hayes@sunderland.ac.uk).
Hyang-Eun Kim is an Professor in the Department of Social Welfare, Kosin University, Busan, Republic of Korea (E-mail: hekim@kosin.ac.kr).

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This document will give you a very good update on the real situation for Domestic Adoptions within Korea.

PS- If you want a copy please contact me by Email at dgordonbell@gmail.com

July 5, 2009

Exorcist_TvNProgram_090624_JunYongSoo

I hope this works, most of it is in Korean and really the most important people to understand it are my Birth Mother and family. I thank everyone for the support and prayers. It is still a process that is challenging, emotional, weird, exciting, anxiety filled, hopeful and doubtful, so many different thoughts go through your mind.

Now I understand that only 2.7% (2,100) of 75,000 Adoptees who have visited Korea and done searches have re-connected with Natural/Birth mother/father/family. The whole process is complex, full of emotions, feelings of guilt, "should I do it" "it is too late, why bother"! It can boggle the mind, pierce the heart, rattle the soul. I have to ask others to translate more of what is said, then I will comment later.

NOTE: THE FILE CANNOT BE DOWNLOADED ANY MORE!!

***This BigFileHasBeenDownloaded50Times***