Blowing my Blues Harps.
Yes, there are files that CANNOT be just given to the Adoptee. Even in USA recent case where a birth mother sued because SHE DID NOT WANT to meet the child from a RAPE. Somehow the Domestic adoptee found out her name and just made contact. The Birth woman won a law suit that HER RIGHTS to NOT have CONTACT were broken. Yet I do understand the Adoptees feelings and thoughts, having read many of their arguments. As a BIRTH FATHER though of two children, I personally would like to have contacts and have made inquiries on my son. I do have contacts with my “biological daughter”. But Birth Parents in Korea especially are NOT just ready to make contact. IT IS STILL CONSIDERED SHAMEFUL FOR KOREANS TO OPENLY ADOPT A CHILD, We Should try to see it all from the Korean Society’s perspective.
In the past CLOSED Adoption method was the norm and adoptees just weren’t expected to come BACK. However, Harry and Bertha Holt noted in one of their books that they always knew that some would come back and records were kept as best as possible. As times have changed in the West and subsequently with OUR Western minds many of us who have come, may have thought that Korean birth parents are just waiting for us. This is NOT always the case, nor is it the NORM.
UPDATE: Maya is not Maya Weimer, MISTAKENLY MENTIONED.
We must remember that Birth mothers particularly and in less cases Birth fathers have moved on with their lives. The reasons are many for Korean parents gave up, relinquished, abandoned, forced by social and family pressures, etc. THERE IS NOT a single reason but many and could be a combination of several. In a few cases poverty, divorce, or other circumstances led to giving up/away “Extra” children, Usually the younger ones. Hard to get rid of older children. The point is that Children were UNWANTED, REJECTED, SENT AWAY.
NOW THAT REALLY SUCKS!!! Really, adoptees DO face these issues in life and Adoptive Professionals and Adoptive Parents/Family had better learn about them. The RESOURCES are out there for discerning folks to Do it better. But we still have stupid and ignorant folks in many extreme areas of the Spectrum. The EXTREME VIEWS are to be avoided, International agreements and guidelines such as the Hague Conventions are only recently coming into effect in USA, NOT IN KOREA YET.
Why is it that we who were adopted cannot see this? Many of us do understand this balance of Rights, but the extreme Anti-Adoption Adoptee Associates claim only THEIR RIGHTS. Doesn’t it make sense that Rights of ALL involved in This Thing of Ours-Adoption have to be BALANCED and PROCESSES followed? It is just plain common sense that certain measures MUST be taken in the PROCESS of Initial Contact, Document Verification, DNA testing recently available.
Only in 2008 did the Korean government pass laws that gave budgets to develop in each of the Four Major Adoption Agencies a Post Adoption Services section. What was done before by only one or two staff, needed to be increased as more and more Korean Adoptees came back to first visit and experience, then some began to delve deeper. Some of us wanted to search for our birth family…news papers then television shows told our stories, then Reunions happened, yet with all the stories and shows Less than 2,500 have “reunited”.
Yet one must go back to the beginnings, the REASONS we had to go away. Only by going back to the REASONS for being given up can we find any peace of mind. You, dear reader, compare the opinions of many and make up your own mind. Find you own Balance and Peace.