Stop Giving me Patience, Lord!

Latest on my appearing on "Gui Sarami Pogo Ship Da" "그 사람이 보고 싶다", or "The Person I am wanting to See", the KBS-1 program has informed me that June will be busy. They still promise to try and get me on in JULY. Did somebody ask GOD to give me patience? Stop already. Never ask God for 'patience' because then He will give you lots of opportunities to have to be patient.

But what can I say? I MUST let others who are in the country for only a short time have their chance. Those who have a much better chance at investigation and reunion also have the more interesting 'story'. This is the way programs work, unfortunately, that is 'show business'. So I have a much smaller audience on the cable channel TVN but they are going all out to present my case. Perhaps it will not be necessary for me to be on KBS-1? That would be interesting.

I don't have all the notes from the translater from the Hypnosis session or Mudang's meeting yet but here are some interesting "Facts" that can only be proven to be true IF it is true. I post them here for the record, stating again that even I am reserving judgements on whether my memories are real or fantasy. Are they mixed actual memories overlaid with learned facts about the Korean War, US Army units that I know about through study, I cannot tell exactly. Here are just some of the basic points:

Fact or Fiction?

• Name of Birth mother: JUN Soon Hee (Hypnosis- I remembered/Mudang- told me name)
• Mother's age: Hypnosis- Early twenties Mudang- mother was 22
• Birth Father's Name: Hypnosis-Eduardo Evangelista Mudang-no name but 35 years old
• Birth Father had the patches of the 25th Division and the 27th Regiment (Wolfhounds) on his uniform. I 'saw' his last name Evangelista over his right breast pocket. He was called "Top" which would be a high ranking Enlisted Non-Commissioned Officer or NCO of the rank of E-8 a Master Sargeant or 1st Sargeant.
  
• Mother had long hair, slight build, very pretty, medium height
• Mother fled from Seoul when lost second time to Taegu. Scenes were possibly during 1951 (Mudang said I am one year older than my birthdate.)
  
• Taegu: mother and I were in a house near a river, open market very close. Saw sign, US Base of 8th Army, 25th Division, 27 th Regiment (Wolfhounds). Mother sold US goods on the Blackmarket and later had MahJeong Chinese gambling in a house in HaybangCheong, overlooking the Yongsan 8th Army Headquarters. I had some DejuVu experiences when I first went on the base, and from the apartment of my Canadian friend Mike.
  
• Pohang base: We stayed in barracks near the docks.
• Yongsan base: Apartment seems like it was in HayBangCheong, overlooking the Yongsan base of the 8th Army Headquarters, Itaewon.
• Mother had short 50's hairstyle, wore only western dresses, high heels, makeup. She had shelves of US PX products that she sold and traded to other Korean girlfriends of American soldiers.
• 'Sally' an older Korean friend, was her best friend.
• Father had to go back to America, left shoebox filled with cash.
  
• Mother had small baby, my sister now, and an older woman who breast-fed her. Mother was working as a singer, her family had many artists and musicians. Mudang said I too was an artist, stuntman and actor. Mother's family was very wealthy Yangban before Korean War, most were killed when Seoul was captured first time. Mother sole survivor.
• Sally urged my mother to give us up for adoption, better for us to go to land of my father.
• Mother took us across the Han bridge, still under repair to YoungdongPo where the World Vision Reception Center was located. I remembered arrival at gate, Harry Holt coming to us. Mother would visit according to Mudang until both of us left country.

These are just some of the details that were 'verified by the Mudang' and the producers absolutely had no way or time to tell her about my story. They say they did not give any information to her before we arrived, not even my full name. I am still trying to process everything, don't accept everything at face value, must wait and see if some or all is true.

The Mudang also said that 'I'm sorry, your mother died 12 years ago'. She seemed surprised that I showed no emotional response, and the producers also seemed puzzled, since they saw my emotional feelings during the hypnosis. I replied that I was certain from Pastors and prophetic gifted people that had never met me before that my Korean mother had become a Christian sometime in 1991, a Catholic Christian by the way. So I had peace knowing in my heart that she was waiting for me, if she were died, in heaven. In fact I asked the Mudang if she knew she would see her departed father in 'the next life'. Of course, she had to reply no, for in Shamanism and Buddhist religions the human spirit is reborn again and again. I had the assurance from the Bible that we will meet again in Heaven. I returned home from the Mudangs home in Ansan city, not far from my own apartment, strangely in peace. Perhaps my birthmother has died, but something seemed wrong, I had serious feelings that she had not yet gone across the 'river of life'.

Then on Tuesday I got another call from TVN, "Can you meet with the producers tonight? We have a second opinion from another mudang." to be continued...

To meet a Mudang, or NOT

Male Shaman Mudang-via Wikipedia

Thursday evening, 11:50 PM, May 29, 2009

What a week I have had, full of unusual happenings, experiencing taping (wait, if it is digital cameras is it ‘digitizing’?) for the cable network TVN. They have a show on Mon. at noon called, are you ready for this, “Exorcist”. It is based on the fact that one of the main sources of Para-normal experts employed by the program are Hypnotherapists and the traditional Shaman priestess called Mudangs. Mudangs are usually women in Korea (80% I have read) who are really ‘spiritualists’, persons with an ability to ‘see’ into the spiritual realm. Shamanism is based on ancient practices of contact with the spirit world, the Mudang enters a semi-trance state to communicate with spirits, ancestors, and the souls of the dead.

You might wonder WHY I agreed to go on the program…I indeed really questioned myself if it was wise. I actually turned them down because of my concern about how church people might feel towards me, because I had ‘consulted a Mudang’. Then, I thought about how 12 years ago Korean churches that begged me to come and share my story were shocked that my wife was divorcing me. They knew us both from the many times we came with the Vineyard group from Los Angeles. I was visiting every week two Churches other than the one I was supported by in East Seoul. When my first wife told me, “You should stay here, but I just want to go back and live in America, I am too homesick. You stay though, Korean people want to hear you.” Less than four months later K. was married again, I learned that she had met ‘him’ while she stayed with her parents because of her brother’s murder. I was not angry, I had tried to persuade her and even offered to quit the Full Gospel Church’s university job, teaching English at Hansae University. Our marriage is first priority and I was willing to 'work it out back in America'. "No, you need to stay in Korea. I will send you the paper to sign." Got them two days later by FedEx...hmmm.

Once the churches found out that I was now a Divorced man, the pastors said that I could not teach, which I understood completely. Then, one by one they asked me to not even visit. Well, I could only agree and honored their wishes, I thought God had another plan for me, WRONG. I thought that one day I would be able to again share my amazing story of my adoption and God’s love that pulled me back from the craziness that I was known for in the Philippines before I found God.

I prayed that God would give me wisdom. The KBS-1 show seemed to be the answer, it was a bigger network, more popular, etc. So I called GOA'L and said, ‘Sorry, but No. I cannot do the show.’ They were set to begin taping three days later. Then the second time, KBS called to say ‘Sorry, maybe next week’. I called GOA'L again, and asked what they actually do on the show. I said I did not want to take part in any Shamanist ritual or Kut, but would agree to meeting with one.

Tomorrow I will post the results of the Hypnotherapy, and two Mudang meetings. There was many things that must be noted, then set aside to ‘see if that thing comes to pass’. Even hypnotherapy is fraught with uncertainty such as confusion of learned facts blending with past memories, creating a false memory that seems totally real.

One ‘fact’ to be verified, that my Korean birth mother’s name was Jun Soon Hee. Under hypnosis I seemed to recall her name, spoken by others, friends and my birth father. Soon Hee is a common name, but both Mudangs came up with the same name! Of course, the producer and staff claim that they did not reveal the name to them, but I must wait and see if it is really her name. Only IF we meet will I know if these ‘memories’ and the Mudangs are ‘Right’. Time and connecting again will prove it right.

I remain hopeful, but wary, can it be that the impossible might happen? June 15th at Noon on Monday the show will air, then I must wait and see if anyone responds. The second young man (Mudang) feels my birth mother is alive but in poor health. I prayed that God would give her good health until we could meet.

I am ‘outside looking in’ at all of this, still worried about what other might think, yet when faced with a chance to get my story on the air made me reconsider. I know that God will forgive me and protect me, it will be only by GOD design if I meet my Korean birth mother here in this life. I have had Christian pastors and those with spiritual gifts tell me that my mother became a Christian in 1991, that she was being healed of the shame of giving my sister and I up for adoption. Perhaps soon in this life, I will find out IF we meet.

My thanks for all three of my readers, keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Preview: Korean War Baby- the book

“Lorelei is REALLY my sister?!”



Following excerpt from future book-

Holt Family Picnic- Two Holt Heritage Camps (1990)

In 1989 I travelled to Kansas City with the Anaheim Vineyard Team, Headquarters based in Southern California, not too far from the original Disneyland. I had a great time in Kansas City, and decided on the way back to ‘pull up stakes’ and just move there to KC, Missouri (Mid-West folks say ‘Mis SOUR ra, and Arkansas is not Ark an saw but ARK….(long pause) kan sas). I was ready for a change and with no prospects in the romance section; after confessing all my past sins to everyone I met, well, duh! No wonder! Just couldn’t understand why even older divorcees ran the other way, when I talked about ‘real’ dating, one on one, not the ‘church group thing’.
This was usually after a small group meeting where I had ‘bared my soul and spilled my guts to tell the ugly truth’. Guys, DON’T do that! Confess to a priest, or simply to God, DO NOT tell people all about how “you really feel”. I thought that confession was good for the soul. Sort of ‘Chicken Soup for Misogynists’, I had the wrong belief that it would help my chances to ‘tell all’. Confessing how I had used and abused many women ("I tried to be a ‘nice’ jerk, paid more, did not physically abuse, never never said “sure, I love you”). womanized by trickery, and yes, even paid money for sex, and done somethings I will NEVER write or say, things that are unspeakable (that ought to get your minds going). Many of my fellow actors in the Philippines could tell stories about me that would get me kicked out of any country. (you guys out there, keep this between you and me, okay?). Boy, was I stupid or what? Dumb as a fence post, I just stood there scratching my head in frustration when even “plain Janes” took off in terror.
Oops, there’s that misogynistic part in me again. When one group of women in my church told me I ‘hated women’ and called me a misogynist I was, well, righteously ‘Pissed OFF’. I wanted to hit them, beat them with a stick. Oh, MY God….I realized slowly that they were right!

So one week after coming back from Kansas City, I was driving home after work when I noticed a large group of people under a banner “Holt Families Picnic”. I immediately stopped and then recognized Bertha Holt, surrounded by adoptees from many countries with their adoptive families. I introduced myself to Grandma Holt and Molly her daughter who was visiting from Korea. Grandma expressed how pleased she was to meet me, noting that I was on the very first Holt flight of 12 way back in 1956. Grandma invited me to be a counselor at Holt Heritage Camp in Eugene, Oregon or New Jersey. I said sure, and after checking the dates I figured that I could work on both camps that year. I drove up in my truck to Eugene, counseled a group of Korean adoptee boys, from ages 8 to 14 and had a great time.

Then back to L.A. to pack up all my possessions into boxes and race off to Kansas City, Missouri. I would have to sleep in the cab because there was no room in the camper shell. I had all my carpenter’s tools, power saws, compressor, nail guns, ready to look for work and mix with the Mid-West folks. Drove to Kansas City in under three days, stopping to unload my gear with a house full of guys, fellow unwed young men. I would stay with them a few months before finding another place. Rested overnight, then I took off for the New Jersey Heritage camp, arriving midmorning of the check-in day.
It was the first times, in both camps West and East, that I had seen so many Korean adoptees all together. Many looked at my ‘mixed race’ face and asked, “What are you doing here?”). Sheesh, story of my life! What ARE you? At both camps we all learned so much about our ethnic identity as Korean. Discovering cultural roots, Korean food, we made Kimchee, learned about meanings of some of our names, cooked rice in clay pots. I even taught the kids Tae Kwon Do, basic kicks and punches even a simple form. For the last day everyone broke got to break a one inch pine board. I made sure everyone did it to give them confidence. “Remember though…Boards don’t hit back”, I quoted my hero, Bruce Lee from one of his movies.

After the first camp finished at Eugene I went to Holt International Children’s Service Headquarters where I met Dr. David Kim (Kim Hyungbok), President of the Holt, USA from 1986 to 1990. He informed me in a letter before I arrived that he was not yet an ordained pastor when he served with Harry Holt as Interpreter and Right-Hand man. In the book “Bring My Sons From Afar” by Bertha Holt he was called “Kim A”. Well, Harry Holt had such trust in him that when Mr. Larson left in mid 1956, Harry shocked the foreign relief agencies by actually appointed David Hyungbok Kim as head of Holt Adoption Agency. No other relief agency would even consider Koreans capable, and one woman leader express shock, shock, "why he hasn't even finished college". This was said in the presence of David Kim, who was burning with controlled anger and embarrassment. Harry simply told her, I am confident in my decision and escorted her out of the office, returning to beg forgiveness for her remarks from young Mr. David Kim.
Now Dr. David Kim expressed to me that he was overjoyed because I was one of the earliest from the first week of March, 1956. I have vague memories, various toys that I played with; people dressed in white staring at us; flashes of but even under hypnosis when I was in college, I was not able to remember my mother’s face or name. He said again that he remembered our mother bringing my sister and I to the World Vision Reception Center, located in Youngdongpo. I thought he was confused and replied to Pres. Kim, “You mean my mother, and my sister’s mother? My family name was Jun and hers was Kim.”
He laughed and showed me her file, where a mistake was made when her Korean passport was processed, with “Jun”／全 mistakenly written as KIM／金　in Hanja, Chinese characters. Two extra strokes added turns 全into金, which Dr. David Kim noticed, thinking maybe Mr. Larson had made the error.

Wow, this was quite a surprise! I could not get my mind around this…Did we have the same mother, different fathers? After experiencing Vietnam and seeing the conditions of a war zone I could easily understand, in my mind at least, what our birthmother must have gone through, taking care of two of us. In the years of living in Korea, it has become crystal clear the prejudices and hopelessness she faced. I want her to know that I understand “WHY, she gave us up…I believe she Chose to surrender us for our own sake, and to live in a country where we could be ‘respected’.

Our Names,

全　 容　秀　 HanJa (Chinese Characters) 　　
전　 용　수 Hangul (Korean)
Jun Yong Soo English (Given names are Compound so, YongSoo means ‘Face Excellent’
全 喆 安 HanJa (Chinese Characters). 喆 / 철 / Chul( 훈음 :밝을 철/ 한자: 喆)
전 철 안 Hangul (Korean) 安 / 안 (훈음 : 편안할 안/ 한자: 安)
Jun Chul An English

全 vs. 金 (See how two extra marks changes Jun to Kim)


Our birth father must have stayed with our birth mother probably until he left to go back to America. Remember, we are more than three years apart in age or conception by the same man. It was difficult for troops to marry women in Korea or Japan until later years, but many just left some extra money and abandoned their pregnant ‘girlfriends’ and any children. I must say though that thousands of US and UN troops gave lots of money to support orphanages. See http://www.koreanchildren.org

Mom remembers a ‘coincidence’.

My adoptive mother smiled as she recalled the events of my sister’s flight in December, six months after my arrival in June. My sister arrived on December 16th, on the first chartered flight by Holt with 95 children. The flight lost one engine but still had three more, so the DC-9 crew struggled to reach San Francisco, on the flight path, instead of LAX, California. I remember my new parents and older brother, Ken, with many other expectant adoptive families being informed by Holt staff that they had to drive upstate to San Francisco. After an emergency landing everyone was evacuated safely. Hours later, we found total chaos upon reaching the arrival area. Children were crying, Korean helpers trying to calm them, adoptive parents questioning the Holt staff as they tried to account for everyone. I wandered around, noticing that, “Hey, these people look like me…they can ‘talk’ my words”.

Mom and Dad both remembered that I ‘found’ my baby sister who had been crying loudly. I was holding her and she slowly stopped crying, apparently after recognizing me. We had been apart for six months but we still knew each other! My birth mother read the name tag, “Kim Chul An” (it should have been Jun Chul An) and thought 'what a coincidence' it was that I had ‘by chance’ found my new adoptive sister. We had grown up telling everyone that my family name was Jun, and my adopted sister’s family name was Kim. Yet many told us, “My, you certainly look like brother and sister”. I always joked that all Asians look alike! Mom, simply said, “Well, that’s God, for you”, not thinking it strange at all.
I have noticed that on my sister’s passport is a note folded inside on page 20, “Ent at San Francisco Loralei REGISTRATION NO. A8963887. ENTER Dec 16/56. (12-16-56) Birth 6-9-55.” You see everything was pretty hectic in the reception area and NO Immigration Stamps were done. One last thing, Dad said to Mom, “well, don’t see anyone checking names…we got our girl, let’s go”. One hour later we heard on the radio about a “frantic search for a missing unaccounted Korean orphan girl” and turned back to the airport. Doh! Everyone had gone by the time we got back to the airport, so we just drove on home and called the Holts the next day! Boy, were they relieved to find out that a baby was not ‘missing’.

Frank Gets Birthday Present!-The Call

From Don,
This is the email that I received from my great friend and co-worker in California, Frank was a domestic adoptee, in the state of California. He just recently got his records from the hospital, posted info on Classmates.com and in just one month, two days before his 50th birthday he got THE CALL!

Franks message (edited for privacy):

"Last night I received a phone call in response to an e-mail I sent to G******* B*****, thinking that he was my birth father. He said to me, " My name is G******* B******....I am not your birth father but I have been married to your birth mother for 52 years". 

Google TRACK’s Puppet Day-Notice my Holt Heritage Camp shirt, it still fits! I know much tighter.

This is a test of Google’s Live Writer which is supposed to help in writing any blog. So, well…Oh, I AM NOT, I say again I AM NOT on television this Wed. the 20th of MAY. They had to postpone until next week again. This show 그사람 이보고 싶다 depends on the results of each session, sometimes they have a reunion on the second or third week. So I have to be patient. AAAHHHHRRRGGG! It is 3:15 AM so I gotta get some sleep. WED. will be a day off and I will prepare for my 15 min. of fame. Let’s see if this works… 

Google