THIS THING OF OURS-ADOPTION

THE KOREAN WAR BABY

My name is Don Gordon BELL and I am one of the earliest of the first generation of KAD's (Korean ADoptees). The Korean War had been settled by Armistice three years before I left war-torn Seoul, Korea, on May 21, 1956. It was the first plane of twelve 'war babies' processed thru the Harry Holt Adoption Program. Read more of MY STORY on My Pages.
I grew up in a typical middle-class family of English-Scottish roots in greater Los Angeles, Ca, USA. Memories faded, Korean language was 'lost' and I did not know anything about the country of my birth until I met Korean Marines in Vietnam while serving with the US Marines. It was my first exposure to real Korean people. I was not completely aware of how prejudiced most Koreans thought towards a Half-Breed like me. I learned what "Tuigi" meant, a Korean word for a "Child of a Foreign devil". Oh, wonderful.


All my life I always had to answer the question: "What ARE you?" and I simply would tell 'my story'. It was not a big deal for me, for my Adoptive Parents had taught me that being an American meant that WE were from many countries. I never 'wished to be White' and just learned to stand up for my own identity. MY Identity was as an American, with mixed heritage. I did not know what being "Korean" meant but often wondered about my roots, and what my birth father's ethnicity. Mexican, Native Americans, and Spanish people would tell me that I had their 'genes' for sure. Little did I know they were right!

After college, I traveled to Manila and for ten years I lived in the Philippines. I was excepted as a 'mestizo' and fit into the former Spanish colony. I was a B-movie Character Actor,
working on international and local films, enjoying a 'crazy and wild' abandonment. Then a life changing experience gave me faith in a personal Higher Being. After walking away from the film business, I lived back in the USA, not sure of my direction in life finding work in construction, finish carpentry, door hanging, and many other jobs I'd like to forget.

In 1991, at 38, I attended a Holt Heritage Camp that was a great experience and really began my own journey of Adoption Identity search. I had never thought much of my Korean culture, though I always felt proud of being "HALF-Korean" and "half-Something".

In 1994 I came back to Seoul, Korea, with my church Vineyard Christian Fellowship, and was invited to stay with a church in East Seoul, for one year. I have lived here since late 1995- re-discovering my "Korean-ness", teaching English and telling my Adoption Story to thousands of Korean students of all ages, helping their understanding of Korean Adoptees. It is one of the issues that Korea is now facing, even for its own secretly adopted children, those who were adopted IN-Country by Koreans who desired a family but due to problems with Infertility secretly adopt.

I was a charter member in 1997 (first dozen members) of GOA'L (Global Overseas Adoptees' Link, founded by Ami Nafzger) and continue to be involved with the complex issues of This Thing of Ours-Adoption. Thousands of KADs have visited Korea over the years, searching for their culture and Some search for birth family. Seventy-five thousand have come, yet only 2,400 plus have found Reunion with Birth family, often with varying results. There are many complexities, many don't want to search concerned about offending their Adoptive Families. Each KAD must decide what they want to do, when to do it, etc.


At 67, I am still 'working thru' my Adoption Identity. Each of YOU need to 'work through' your own understanding and hopefully find forgiveness and healing. Read many different accounts and compare before coming to conclusions. I hope that you will learn what IS happening NOW, in the land of your birth, the Rep. of Korea (South Korea). (See Report Links).

Times are changing, the reasons for 'relinquishment/given up for adoption' have shifted, but there continues to be a need for a multi-tiered approach and understanding of Adoption issues. Slowly, attitudes of Korean society ARE changing for the better. But, the majority continue to feel embarrassment and shame. Thus, Adoption is still shrouded in secrecy even for those who are adopted In-country . There ARE positive signs and movements of NGO's and KAD groups are advocating for the Unwed Mothers. However, two-thirds of pregnant women each year, continue to give up their babies for adoption. One out of four are sent overseas, YET three are secretly adopted in-country. The Myth that "Koreans don't adopt" is false, but they need to open up and hopefully change their shame to pride.


This blog is for EVERYONE, whether you are an Adoptee, Adoptive Family, Birth Family or involved in Adoption in ANY way as a professional, social worker, official, etc, from Korea or the world. We examine the complex issues and personal journeys that we, domestic and overseas adoptees, have to face and sort out in This Thing of Ours-Adoption. (Use the Search function to check for Posts on various topics, TransRacial, Tran-Cultural, Multi-Cultural families, Domestic, Civil Code Law Adoptions, InterCountry Adoption, etc.)

I personally have come to a compromised, nuanced position on this thing of ours-adoption. I advocate a Multi-tiered Plan that tries to be balanced, realistic, fair to all.

UPDATE: Living in the Philippines since 2010, at first teaching students from several countries as an Online Tutor, based in Makati, Metro Manila. I was working on a Digital Library for Online Tutoring or ELearning; developing an agritourism farm; and Overseas Retirement Care for foreigners needing 24/7 health care.

Then some 18 months ago, in July of 2012 I met with Andrew Leavold, a crazy film obsessed Aussie who helped "pull me back into film making".

WHEW! Lot on my plate. I have also been learning much about the Filipino society's very different viewpoints on unwed motherhood and adoption.

As of Sept. 2012, I worked on an Indie Film, "Baybayin, the Palawan Script", directed by Auraeus Solito, and international award winning Filipino director. I had a role in the film and explored my hobby as a STILLS Photographer. Currently I have quit all teaching, co-writing on an international film that will be done in 3D and CGI effects. I am back in the film-making business and I love it. I have continued to act in Independent and international films and in many projects worked as Stills/Bts Photographer. I cover film festivals, events, and continue to try to improve my Game. Semi-retired but love to keep active, now exploring mirrorless 4K cameras but still a Canon Guy.


Adoption Discourse needs to hear YOUR VOICES. Every opinion, even opposing viewpoints will be posted and interaction invited by email and Comments have been activated again with spam filters!)
. Welcome, come learn, and share your thoughts. Join social media sites and you will help yourself and others as you share your life.

#20 Holt Adoptee/First Dozen on Flight departing Seoul on 21 May, 1956 to USA.


July 20, 2011

Korean Music Star Insooni Reunites With Former USFK Servicemember | ROK Drop

» by GI Korea in: USFK

Below is a really good story in the Stars & Stripes about a former USFK servicemember that was reunited with the young girl he mentored in the 1970′s who went on to bigger and better things:

Despite the decades that have passed since he was a U.S. soldier stationed in South Korea, Ronald Lewis never stopped wondering what had become of the troubled teenage girl he and a few of his Army buddies befriended while they were here.

The girl wanted to become a nurse, but the odds were stacked against her. The child of a Korean woman and a black U.S. soldier who abandoned the family, the girl was born into a culture that shuns mixed-race people.

“My prayers have always been that she wouldn’t end up on the street,” Lewis said. “I prayed for her continuously.”

Then, a few months ago, the Delaware man was contacted by a 2nd Infantry Division representative who was helping the woman track down the guys she credits with helping set her life on the right course. Suspicious, Lewis did a Web search using the name by which she is now known — Insooni — and found that the girl has been a famous R&B singer here for more than 30 years, known as “the Tina Turner of South Korea.”

She has even performed at New York’s Carnegie Hall.

“I said, ‘Oh my god, it is her,’ ” Lewis said, his voice filling with pride. “I couldn’t believe it. We spent a lot of time together back then, and I never heard her sing, or even hum, anything.”

Insooni and Lewis have since talked by telephone and regularly exchange emails, and they plan to reunite this weekend while the singer is visiting the U.S. to check out colleges with her 17-year-old daughter.

Insooni said that Lewis and his friends “acted sort of like big brothers and surrogate fathers” to her in the early 1970s.

“Before I met them, I had repulsion about Americans because my family background and home environment were difficult,” she said. “But, after getting along with them, I came to feel all human beings are the same, and Americans are good.” [Stars & Stripes]

Korean Music Star Insooni Reunites With Former USFK Servicemember | ROK Drop

THIS is what the Korean War Baby is talking about!! Great wonderful story of success, rags to riches type tale that everyone loves to hear…However, what about the hundreds and thousands of others who lived in the shadows of society, with no national identification at all. The only work the other Bi-Racial Black American/Korean children could get was connected with entertainment or the bars, serving the foreign troops. These TUIGI, dust of the streets, fell through the cracks of Korean society. Read more about InSooni’s struggle to become accepted in her mother’s own country and you will see how far she has come in her own life. Things are changing as thousands of Multicultural marriages and BiRacial children (now called HoNurRah) or Mixed-Blood children fill the rural areas with the new reality, Korea is learning to accept the fact: They are NOT homogenous anymore. Welcome to Globalization.

July 14, 2011


OOPS! This link above is no longer active since Sunny Jo unfortunately "Unfriended" me. sigh...

·         Don Gordon Bell · Answered Pro and Necessary Option

There will always be a necessity to allow ICA from Rep. of Korea (South Korea) because the Korean people will only adopt those it secretly wants and reject any child premature, with physical or mental defects, abandoned by both parents, and those whose mothers are unwed and unsupported by the government. WHEN Korean so...ciety changes their attitudes on Orphans/Adoption to be more open and accepting then the number of ICA would almost stop. That is another generation away. Don't use the "Korean should or ought to because they are well off" because they don't 'buy it'. It is NOT the economy but social prejudices and lack of government support for the unwed mothers by their OWN families who may demand abortion or adoption as the options.
Support Family Preservation yes, but the reality is that still 66% of Unwed Mothers (agreed upon term by all) DO choose to give up their children. Can we demand that they keep their children? Of Course not. To just stop ICA adoptions is not the solution. The number each year of babies born to Unwed Mother that are Civil Code Law Adoptions are 50% (Which by the way cannot be done IF ROK signed the Hague Conventions-they would have to stop all of the CCLA if they really wanted to sign); so called Domestic (by the four main adoption agencies) account for 25%; and the last 25% are in fact the only ICA from ROK. That again is breaking the MYTH that Koreans don't adopt, THEY DO but secretly because of the social pressures. Even among Christian families only 5-10 percent tell the child later that they were adopted.
Keep working on bringing more support for Unwed Mothers, prevention programs for teens/university students, promotion of adoption Openly, persuading the Korean people to accept us Adoptees both Domestic (including the unknown Adoptees) and Foreign. CHANGE comes SLOWLY but it is happening with the society. In 1999 only 5% of Unwed Mothers kept their babies, but by 2009 over 37% kept their babies. BUT each year only 3% of the Disabled are adopted by the Korean people. WHERE THE FUCK DO THEY GO, people? TO FOREIGNERS thru InterCountry Adoption. Now tell me again why all ICA should be stopped...I will tell you to go jump into a lake.

The Korean War Baby

READ THE REST OF THE LIVELY REBUTTAL BETWEEN SUNNY JO AND MYSELF on her link.
  
WELL, Sunny Jo has complained that her Facebook Wall is private...I find this unusual in that she is asking for others to vote on a survey and comment on A PUBLIC FORUM. Now communication between Wall-to-Wall that is more personal, almost email/chat. However, if anyone comments on an issue on someone's WALL they must want others to read it. 

HOWEVER, wanting good relations and good will, I invite all to use the link and go to Sunny Jo's Survey for Adoptees (Korean Adoptees), read all the comments, leave your own comments if you wish to (remembering that everyone CAN read what you write).
I have no personal agenda other than encouraging others to partake of this survey that Sunny Jo has put on her PUBLIC WALL of her FaceBook page. Please post your comments on this complex issue on Sunny Jo's link.
The Korean War Baby encourages all adoption discourse. A Multi-tiered approach may be the best even now in this day and age. Adoption is not the perfect solution, each individual may have different life experiences. Abortion is sadly a fact used for 'birth control' in South Korea (ROK), yet women have the Right to Choice. He strongly disagrees with some principles of those who oppose continuing InterCountry Adoptions from Korea based on the conditions of the Korean society.

The  Korean War Baby strongly believes in open discussions, keeping respect for individuals and their opinions. Get involved and state your opinions. Only you can bring about changes to improve the way adoptions are done, or not done.
************************************************************************************

6 comments:


Sunny Jo said...
you do NOT have (and have not asked for) permission to x-post my or other ppl's replies! you have taken content from my private FB account, overruling my privacy settings, and published in another forum without my knowledge or permission. this is NOT ok! plz remove all references to my or other ppl's replies immediately.
Korean War Baby said...
Dear Sunny Jo, I am sorry but I did not consider your FB WALL as a privacy issue. Help me here, you ask people to make comments that others can see and read, comment on and agree or disagree with. I did not think that I needed permission from you or anyone, since I linked back to your survey and encourage other KAD's to VOTE on your survey. I am not piggybacking and will consider removing your comments if you so desire. WALL comments are public not private, however Chat, email, and Wall-to-Wall I would consider PRIVATE since they are between two persons OR a GROUP of 20.
Sunny Jo said...
my wall is NOT public! only my friends can see it. regarding the survey, it might be open for everyone to vote and comment, but it is still not ok to x-post, paraphrase or in other ways redistribute. your lack of understanding this disgusts me. you are no longer my friend.
Korean War Baby said...
Dear Sunny Jo, As you see on my blog I have respected your request to take off your 'private' survey. Sorry, but again I do not believe that I violated your privacy but in the interests of civility took yours and my comments off. Please don't be offended, I am attempting to understand you in this matter. Let's try to work out our differences and continue to discourse on this thing of ours-adoption, in OPEN debate. We don't have to be friends but I don't consider you less than a prominent and respected voice in these matters. I DO respect your views, and only thought that by posting on my blog it would help others to take part in your survey. My humble apologies.
Sunny Jo said...
if you have all this 'respect' for me, i think it is really disrespectful to throw out all these 'claims' about my life, to support your own POVs. e.g. "I was led to understand that was after DNA confirmation and that you were meeting for the first time" - we never did any DNA-tests and never claimed we did. "I am not lying but you have written that you were kidnapped, as per your posting on the web. BUT then WHO kidnapped you?" - grandma kidnapped me, and she admits to it. i know koreans do not consider it a kidnapping when it is done by a relative, but IMO it's no less of a kidnapping. i could go on and on about claims you have made about me, my life and my story which have no basis in reality. my book is available from www.truepeny.com or by contacting thomas park clement. if it had 'only' been this last x-posting, i wouldn't mind. but i've seen your witch hunt and attacks of everyone who disagrees with you, of GOAL and other KADs who try to make a difference, and i do not in any way shape or form condone such behaviour. you have a right to your own opinion, but you have no right trying to stuff it down other ppl's throats by refusing to listening to their POVs and arguments.
Korean War Baby said...
dear Sunny Jo, I do have respect for you personally. The so called 'claims' I have been careful to say are my recollections of the events. Your Grandma (Paternal who I never met either of them) got rid of you and your brother. I do consider it kidnapping, similar to what happened to Bret of "Resilience" when his mother (see I don't call her 'birthmother' due to the circimstances) found out that her own family had left him at the home of the biological 'father'. It was his family that abandoned or arranged for someone to pretend that he had been abandoned. These stories MUST be published and in the Korean language to show them what has happened on some cases. The Civil Code Law Adoptions do number about double of the Domestic adoptions (Domestic is about 90,000 through the four adoption agencies-HoltKorea, KSS, Eastern, SWS). When and IF the country adopts the Hague Conventions then abuses such as your situation will be stopped. I do not refuse to listen to other POV's and arguments, in fact I joined ASK and TRACK and diligently studied their positions. As for GOA'L and their fake election process I had to speak out against the mockery I saw. Persons who DO hold your position of stopping ICA and In-country Adoptions (Both Domestic and Civil Code Law)planned to take over GOA'L by their deceit and European NGO laws of order. I have addressed these in my blog and brought them to the light of day. Those in leadership were selected not elected, and board members who are AGAINST all adoption run the show. GOA'L's neutrality is no longer a reality. I have read much of that which is out online. I seek to find a Balanced position and reject extremism on both sides, such as a few Adoptive Families or Prospective Adoptive Families that hurl abuse at those who oppose continuing ICA. My points are that Korea is not yet THERE yet. The society is slowly changing and it must be the Korean people to complete that themselves. I am not racist, just a pragmatist and observer that it will take more time. Women's rights are still way behind, No? Attitudes concerning Adoption, Orphan, Blood-lines, Single Parenting, and many other things ARE slowly evolving. YES, I agree with you Koreans can do it. BUT I disagree strongly with some of the outrageous statements made by a few of those who think by just shutting down InterCountry Adoptions that the country will then change. Acceptance of change must be a combination of Laws and Attitudes. In the USA more and more Multicultural marriages/relationships are accepted but there will ALWAYS be some who are prejudiced. At the present time Korean is NOT willing nor able to take care of the babies born each year and give up by Unwed Mothers (gov. term) or abandoned by their parents. Don't they deserve a chance to have a HOME, even in a foreign land? I believe that many KAD's agree with me. I don't believe that any 'Online Survey' captures the real numbers. Even "Evan B. Donaldson's Adoption Institute" recorded only 167 KADs to take their survey in 2008. The ones who are active on the internet do not represent accurately the total because is is not scientifically done. So the Korean War Baby will not do a survey either.


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July 12, 2011

Guidelines for Birth Family Search (Reposted)

The Korean War Baby reposts this earlier post (with links to four major Adoption Agencies) in light of the recent cutbacks by the Ministry of Health, Welfare, and Family Affairs on supporting certain NGOs on Birth Family Searches. Apparently the cutbacks do NOT affect the four major Adoption Agencies own Post Adoption Services nor K-Care (which is being developed to be the central authority on Adoption for the government in accordance with preparations to be able to sign the Hague Conventions on Adoption).


Korean War Baby


**********************************************************************




GuidelinesBirthFamilySearch


Guideline for Post-Adoption Services (Family Search)
Division of Family Support
The Ministry for Health, Welfare,
and Family Affairs

These are the basic guidelines from the Korean Government. Any Korean Adoptee, Adoptive Parent/family, Birth Family members, adoption professionals should go and copy this to their PDF files. This will help to understand the standardization that is being attempted to use the same forms, and is a step in the right direction.
REMEMBER IF YOU ARE A KOREAN ADOPTEE, Maybe you are NOT ready yet to search but REQUESTING your files may help you to understand your circumstances better. You may then decide to make further steps to try to make contact. Study and read, TALK with friends and Adoptive Family about what you FEEL and your thoughts. BE OPEN, for you own sake and your loved ones. Special Note: Ask for scans of Korean documents as these sometimes provide information that is not translated. Get your own sources for translation (go to a local Korean church) because it is better to have two opinions on things.

Pg. 6
2. Application Process
  • Adoptees or adoptive parents who live overseas may request a birth family search from the central authority of the adoptive country or their co-operating agencies, or request through KCARE or the adoption agencies in Korea.
  • Adoptees or adoptive parents who live in Korea may request a birth family search from the adoption agencies, or from KCARE if information from the agencies are insufficient.


Required Documents :
- Post-adoption services application form,
- Adoptee's ID card (e.g. passport, driver's license),
- Adoptive parents' ID cards, and a parental consent form (for adoptees under 18)
- Photograph of the requester(taken within the last 6 months),
- Other related documents and pictures from the original adoption that might help with the birth family search.
Note THIS on Pages 7-8:
4. Deadlines and Notifications
  • A. Disclosure at the Beginning of Application
    KCARE and the adoption agencies should disclose the following items to the requester at the beginning of the service :
  • Service may be limited when it is difficult to locate an adoption
    triad(adoptee, adoptive family, or birth family) or when a triad (member) does not wish to be contacted (e.g. phone calls, mails, etc).
  • If an adoption triad(adoptee, adoptive family, or birth family) has been notified of a search and does not wish to be contacted or be reunited, no additional request will be made until the refusing entity changes his/her mind.
  • No information will be released when the birth family or adoptive family did not authorize the release of their information at the time of the adoption.
Page 8: Application for Post-Adoption Services
Application for Post Adoption ServicesThis is the form that is used by all Adoption Agencies Post Adoption Services sections.
NOTE: THEY DO NOT REQUIRE but it is a good idea to have the document taken to a Notary Public with Identifying documents. A scan of your PASSPORT, Driver’s Licence, or other ID with Photo and signature should be sent also.
KCare is the Korean Central Adoption Resources quasi-government entity that has been working for just over a year. Remember that they have only a few facts digitized on cases, what they will do is help to direct to the main Adoption Agencies. IF YOU KNOW THE ADOPTION AGENCY, just GO directly to their Post Adoption Services section:
Social Welfare Society (SWS) Post Adoption Services
Korean Social Services (KSS) Post Adoption Services
Eastern Social Welfare Society (ESWS) Post Adoption Services
Holt-Korea Post Adoption Services


In turn the orphanage/baby home/etc. that one was FIRST brought to will be contacted. Your files should have that information in them. However, do remember that sometimes the orphanage or home has closed and some records may or may not be included. You will be told what happened to the orphanage or home.


****************************************************************************
K-Care
"Korea Central Adoption Resources" 

Try these links for Birth Family Search (IF you know the Adoption Agency that processed your adoption from Korea go directly to them. For information on the process check these links out. It is a standardized method that the Korean government is using.)  KWB
 
webzine.kcare.or.kr/eng_Kcare_1003/
K-Care Birth Family Searches


Guideline for Post-Adoption Services (Family Search)

Aug. 6. 2009

Division of Family Support
The Ministry for Health, Welfare, and Family Affairs


****************************************************

The Korean War Baby notes this:

In light of the current cutbacks from the Min. of Health, Welfare, and Family Affairs- We wonder WHEN WILL K-CARE get its act together and become what it is supposed to be...The central authority on Adoption. Nothing has been updated for months and if they are to truly be the Central Authority then they must do things better, advertise their services, provide more information, etc.

Send your thoughts to them at 
kcare@kcare.or.kr


 





July 3, 2011

Reunion is a Journey

picasaweb.google.com/dgordonbell/Kelly31stBirthday_May1_2011

Last May 1st, 2010, the Korean War Baby had the honor and previlege of assisting in helping to find the birth family of a young Korean Adoptee. It was only through a long process in which Adoption agencies, orphanage, InKas, and many others gave their time, energy, efforts, to help bring about a reunion. The KWB did not do this alone, rather he just helped bring things along, learning about all the personal issues that are involved in this emotional journey. Last year, things worked out that on the exact day of Kelly's 30th birthday, she heard from her birth family as they sang happy birthday in both English and Korean languages.  These photos are from May 1st, 2011, when the KWB and his wife Nancy traveled down again to connect Kelly on Skype with Young Nam, her oldest brother, her birth mother and father. We were able to interview them on exactly WHAT happened years ago, to answer a question we did not know, WHY were they give up? Video was also taken as the family tearfully explained the tragic circumstances surrounding those events.

Through the year Kelly and her sibling have had to deal with all the complex issues that only a few KAD's have to face, joining only 2,400 who had made contact with birth family in Korea. All the issues are being faced by their Adoptive Family, Birth Family, and both siblings. Kelly's last name must remain secret at this time, since the other sibling has NOT chosen to proceed. These things happen, especially with an older child who may harbor more pain, resentment, feelings of anger, loss and abandonment. This is to be expected with some even at the age of three or four. Adoption professionals have found that even at the separation at birth some adoptees have Attachment Disorders with their adoptive families.

Reunion with birth family is never easy, frought with an emotional rollercoaster and challenges. Kelly may soon take the step to visit them, and is writing on her experiences. We hope that she and her sibling, her entire Adoptive Family and the Birth Family continue on their journey of life.

With recent cutbacks on Post Adoption Services and Birth Family Searches, organizations such as GOA'L (Global Overseas Adoptee's Link), InKas (International Korean Adoptees Services), and even the four major Adoption Agencies, will NO LONGER be able to assist Korean Adoptees very well. We must find a way though to continue this function, which is vital to many Adoptees. Again, though not all KAD's are ready for extensive searching, such as newspaper articles and television show appearances. Many who come first on 'motherland tours' or their own visits can find the Adoption Agencies online, request files in advance before arriving. There are proceedures that you may find on the many websites (Search on my blog for the name of your adoption agency for a link, or just google them).

Yes reunion is a long process, one that requires much patience, open mind, open heart. Be sure to talk with everyone in your family about even beginning a search, as in Kelly's case things moved very quickly. Read all you can about the issues, from many different sources. Be prepared for the unexpected, drawing back at times, confusion, testings, and many other pitfalls. But we can learn so much from others sharing their feelings and experiences of their own. We look forward to hearing from Kelly, when she is ready to share. Are YOU considering searching? Push forward with bated breath and we all hope you may have a 'successful reunion'.

July 1, 2011

Reunion Search Myths - Search & Reunion E-Magazine. July 2011 Adoption Month E-mag

One of the resources one can find for all those in the adoption community (extended members of birth and adoptive families and professions, social workers, etc) is this Adoption Month E-mag. Add it to your list of sites that will help you to better understanding to process your own life, or just to ‘do it better’. We can all grow by listening to many voices.

Reunion Search Myths - Search & Reunion E-Magazine. July 2011 Adoption Month E-mag

Reunion Search Myths

If you're a part of the adoption community or a member of the adoption triad, you have probably heard some reunion search myths. They are shared as if they are fact or common knowledge. These myths may cause you hesitation in beginning or continuing your search. But you should never let these myths stop you. The first step is to research the roots and truths to these myths. Then you'll be well on your way to finding that person or those people for whom you're searching.

Searching is Expensive. Searching can be expensive, but it doesn't have to be. There are so many options when it comes to searching, that you should never feel limited in your choices or because of your finances. One great resource to consider is an online adoption registry. While some of them have a fee, many are free; you just have to know where to look. Free online adoption registries allow you to create your own profile, visible to those also searching, and you can search existing profiles. You never know; this could be all it takes to reunite and reconnect.

Receiving help from search angels is another great option to consider. Some charge, but many search angels assist you for free. They can help you track down birth records, important papers and files, and find the person for whom you're looking. Many search angels have amazing connections that can really help your search move forward quickly and efficiently.

Another great resource available to you is social networking. People from around the world create profiles on the popular social networking sites, and many of these sites are free. Use the information you have to search through profiles and bring yourself one step closer to reconnection. It's quick, easy, and free; it's worth a try.

Searchers are Miserable. Some believe that the only reason adoptees or birth families search is because the searchers are miserable. This isn't always the case. Yes, there are some who search who are unhappy with life, but this isn't true for all searchers. Many searchers are happy with their lives, but they want to find out about their past or about biological family--whether that's for health reasons or just wanting an update.

Being miserable has nothing to do with wanting to search. For some searchers it's about finding that missing piece or searching for medical information. For others it's about finding out where they came from and why they were placed. It could also be because they just want to solve the mystery or find out if they have brothers and sisters.

It's Unfair to the Adoptive Parents. While adoptive parents may be hurt by a child searching for biological information, it isn't really about the parents. It's about what the adoptee needs. However, if you, as the adoptee, are concerned about hurting your parents, it is best to sit down with them and fully discuss it. This will show respect and appreciation for what they've done for you. Discuss why you want to search and what you're hoping to get out of this journey. Make sure you let them know that this isn't to hurt them or it's because they are bad parents. It's for your own needs to know where you came from, for medical information, or for any other reason. Be honest and open.

Don't let these reunion search myths scare you from beginning or continuing your search. If you have any concerns, talk with adoption professionals, search angels, support group members, or with a counselor. These people can help you more fully understand the reunion process and what that will mean for you and how it can affect your life and your relationships. The search journey is a great time to learn more about yourself. It's more than just finding that person for whom you're searching. It's about finding yourself and discovering your own worth and spot in the world. It can be a journey of self; you just have to have the right perspective. Remember, this journey is all in what you make of it. Start your journey with hope, happiness, and love.

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