One of the resources one can find for all those in the adoption community (extended members of birth and adoptive families and professions, social workers, etc) is this Adoption Month E-mag. Add it to your list of sites that will help you to better understanding to process your own life, or just to ‘do it better’. We can all grow by listening to many voices.
Reunion Search Myths
If you're a part of the adoption community or a member of the adoption triad, you have probably heard some reunion search myths. They are shared as if they are fact or common knowledge. These myths may cause you hesitation in beginning or continuing your search. But you should never let these myths stop you. The first step is to research the roots and truths to these myths. Then you'll be well on your way to finding that person or those people for whom you're searching.
Searching is Expensive. Searching can be expensive, but it doesn't have to be. There are so many options when it comes to searching, that you should never feel limited in your choices or because of your finances. One great resource to consider is an online adoption registry. While some of them have a fee, many are free; you just have to know where to look. Free online adoption registries allow you to create your own profile, visible to those also searching, and you can search existing profiles. You never know; this could be all it takes to reunite and reconnect.
Receiving help from search angels is another great option to consider. Some charge, but many search angels assist you for free. They can help you track down birth records, important papers and files, and find the person for whom you're looking. Many search angels have amazing connections that can really help your search move forward quickly and efficiently.
Another great resource available to you is social networking. People from around the world create profiles on the popular social networking sites, and many of these sites are free. Use the information you have to search through profiles and bring yourself one step closer to reconnection. It's quick, easy, and free; it's worth a try.
Searchers are Miserable. Some believe that the only reason adoptees or birth families search is because the searchers are miserable. This isn't always the case. Yes, there are some who search who are unhappy with life, but this isn't true for all searchers. Many searchers are happy with their lives, but they want to find out about their past or about biological family--whether that's for health reasons or just wanting an update.
Being miserable has nothing to do with wanting to search. For some searchers it's about finding that missing piece or searching for medical information. For others it's about finding out where they came from and why they were placed. It could also be because they just want to solve the mystery or find out if they have brothers and sisters.
It's Unfair to the Adoptive Parents. While adoptive parents may be hurt by a child searching for biological information, it isn't really about the parents. It's about what the adoptee needs. However, if you, as the adoptee, are concerned about hurting your parents, it is best to sit down with them and fully discuss it. This will show respect and appreciation for what they've done for you. Discuss why you want to search and what you're hoping to get out of this journey. Make sure you let them know that this isn't to hurt them or it's because they are bad parents. It's for your own needs to know where you came from, for medical information, or for any other reason. Be honest and open.
Don't let these reunion search myths scare you from beginning or continuing your search. If you have any concerns, talk with adoption professionals, search angels, support group members, or with a counselor. These people can help you more fully understand the reunion process and what that will mean for you and how it can affect your life and your relationships. The search journey is a great time to learn more about yourself. It's more than just finding that person for whom you're searching. It's about finding yourself and discovering your own worth and spot in the world. It can be a journey of self; you just have to have the right perspective. Remember, this journey is all in what you make of it. Start your journey with hope, happiness, and love.